[ Scene Opens ]
It’s Tony Stark going through his Twitter Time-Line looking for people to call him awesome. You know it’s an everyday routine for him. Save the world, kick some alien butt, pose for a few pictures with his middle (and sometimes index) finger for the reporters, then head down to the tower, take the suit off, and check his timeline for some “OMG! Did you guys see Iron Man save the planet today? I wanna have two and a half of his babies!” Tweets.
…BUT! Not today Tony, not today. Someone else was busy breaking the internet.
While Tony was busy wondering what was broken on his Twitter TL, Frank Castle walks in the room and sits right next to him. Exhausted from chasing the Daredevil up and down all day-which isn’t at all gay, not one bit.
Anyway, Iron Man leans over to Frank and goes “have you seen this?”
Bruce Wayne walks in the room (Yeah, that’s right! From the DC Universe, because dammit I’m writing this shit, just let it happen). And then he sits right across the table and…
Bruce: I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about the bae.
Tony: Uhm, I’m sorry, could you repeat that?
Frank: He said you were taking abou…
Tony: Oh I heard him, I just wanted to be clear that he’s giving me enough reason to whoop his ass.
Frank: This will be interesting.
Bruce: Tony, What in the world would make you think you should have her instead of me?
Tony: Well, because I am a Genius, Billionaire, Playboy and a Philanthropist.”
Frank: Oh Oh Oh Oh…I see what you did there.
Bruce: Hey, Wholop Castle. You guys seem to be forgetting something.
Tony and Castle: What’s that?
Bruce: I am Batman!
Bruce: Dammit! I can get any woman I want!
Tony: Oh tell me then Bruce, how do you intend to protect her when you haven’t even conquered your fear of rodents?
Bruce: Only Alfred was supposed to know that.
Tony: Jarvis knows everything.
Frank: Oh by the way, Did you hear that she bought a house in what I hear is the most expensive part of Lagos, Nigeria?
Bruce: Yes. Worth N600 million.
Frank: Fascinating. Makes me wonder how the Lagos boys can handle such a lady.
Tony: Exactly my point. The only man the Iron Lady of Nigerian Gossip should have is the Iron Man himself.
Frank: *looks up from his phone* Guys, I think I should be the one to get her.
Tony And Bruce: *turn heads slowly* What?
Frank: Well, if anything, with all the plagiarism going down on her site, I think The Punisher should be the one to slay that thieving booty. If you know what I mean.
Bruce: We are all crime fighters. If anyone should bring her to justice, might as well be a rich one.
Tony: My point exactly. Leave this woman for me, the richest one.
Bruce: You’d only break her heart. You’re a known playboy. Linda is such a nice girl, giving out money every other day on her blog and dishing out motivational advice to young ladies.
Tony: First of all, you are also a playboy. Secondly, my reputation makes for a steamier headline on her blog, which is all she cares about. So trust that she will be ready to marry for ratings.
Bruce: It’s that mentality that won’t let your marriage to her last long dude.
Tony: Well then, a divorce. Big headlines. More views, more money for her. Do you not see how this works?
Frank: I still insist you should let me slay this plagiaristic booty.
Tony: Is that like your only defense?
Frank: Well, copyright crimes are a serious offence. Allow me punish her. *Birdman hand rub*
Bruce: Let’s be serious here. Linda deserves Bruce Wayne.
Tony: 3rd person? I thought I was the narcissist here. Cool it. Lil’ Wayne.
Bruce: Don’t let me put you down Mr. Stark. Don’t you have an Iron Throne to take from the Lannisters?
Frank: *brings out guns* Let’s do this.
And so our heroes continued to battle with wit and with gear for the delectable Gossip Queen of the Giant of Africa, Linda Ikeji. Who do you think is worthy? Who deserves to wear the crown?
Tell us what you think.